Argentina

9 de Julio (and some jokes)

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199 years ago (next year is going to be a crazy party!) Argentina officially declared independence, meaning it was only 40 years and 5 days late to the American independence-declaring fiesta, which, factoring in the glacial speed of communication, Latin sense of timing, and the fact that music and fashion trends still arrive about 30 years late, it is really not that bad.

To be fair, it actually sort of happened a few years earlier, on May 25, 1810, when the cabildo council of Buenos Aires said “adios, amigos” in their best Antonio Banderas accents to the Spanish viceroyalty, but due to disagreements between factions and some good old fashioned kerfuffles, it didn’t officially happen until 6 years and some change later.

Which today just means that Argentina has two national days [insert old joke about narcissistic Argies here], making it the geopolitical version of that annoying friend who celebrates their birthday multiple times, and expects multiple gifts. It also means Argentina is one of the countries with the most public holidays in the world, which just makes doing business there that much more fun [read: unproductive].

BTW, did you know Avda. 9 de Julio in BsAs is the widest avenue in the world? Just try crossing it in one light cycle.

HBD Argentina! You don’t look a day over 150.

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In honor of Argentina’s special day…

How did the porteño [person from BsAs] commit suicide?

He climbed to the top of his ego, then jumped.

What is an ego?

It’s the little Argentine we all have in us.

Why do Argentines look up and smile when lightning strikes?

Because they think God is taking their picture.

What is the best business you can do in this life?

To buy an Argentinian for what he’s worth and sell him for what he thinks he’s worth.

How do you make a Uruguayan?

You mix a Spaniard, an Italian and some shit, but not a lot, or you could get an Argentine.

Even the Cool Pope himself got in on the jesting in a meeting with the Ecuadorian President. Correa tweeted later: “He told me a joke. He said everyone was surprised that he chose to call himself ‘Francis’ because being Argentine, ‘people thought I would call myself Jesus II’.”

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